Like on the day before Mother's Day, I took a Zoom writing workshop with Laura Lentz. This one encouraged us to write About Your Father. This is what came from this workshop today.
I lived in
the shadow of my mother and that long shadow obscured my father and I really
never saw him or knew him. So now I write a love letter to him.
Dearest Willy Walt, Poppy,
Sweet artist
never realized,
Handsome
Athletic
(you tried to teach this uncoordinated girl tennis)
Troubled
Resurrected
I cherish
the few stories you told me about your life:
About
leaving your art to become a bill collector during the depression and learning
the hard way to never ask a debtor “where is your dog?”
Singing war
songs around the barbeque as if you had been there, but Washington was far from
the front.
The change
in you that you told me about when you, the staunch Republican, was assigned to
the most hated Democratic of men only to learn respect for the man in the
wheelchair who expressed concern for you.
That’s all I
knew of your past.
But even in
my ignorance about you, you kept from me all your troubles
Your
disappointment
Your
disagreements with Ruth
The loss of
your two older sisters to a diphtheria outbreak only two months before you were
born and the sadness of the house for years in your childhood
The loss of
your beloved kid brother to TB only months after he was best man at your
wedding
I never knew
until I began just now to research your life.
I’m sorry I
only saw you as someone to fix, to cure of your alcoholism
I’m sorry a
nurse had to show me how you longed for your art studied so passionately in
your youth in the haunts of Cooper Union and the Art Student’s league (another thing
I did not know) and help me bring you back to it.
I’m sorry I
never acknowledged your true nature:
Shy
So sweet
So gentle
So kind
So lost
An artist
never realized
That brain
tumor that took you from me, that was what made me truly see you.
I wish I could tell you how much I loved you. I hope you will forgive me my sins of omission